Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize