someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
