Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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