I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We are all done wearing pants today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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