Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
