She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
