my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize