I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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