Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
