he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
