Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
