She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
