i love accidental penises.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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