If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
