Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
