let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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