All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
