Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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