who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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