she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
