i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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