Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Is it because I queefed?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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