never play flip cup with pint glasses
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
