i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
