i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
