Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
