Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
