i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
