my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dear god my vagina.
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