I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize