3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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