I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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