This is not my ceiling
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
