Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
