I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
