Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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