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ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my being single is dangerous.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
