come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
