I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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