We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Randomize
