We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
