apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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