You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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