He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
pop tarts are not kleenex
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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