fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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