did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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