I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
