i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
