I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My legs feel like baby dolphins
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
