I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
