I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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