i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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