i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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