My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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