Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
