and you said cock pushups were impossible
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
