I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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