It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize