my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Houston, we have a squirter
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
