He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
