a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
