WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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