Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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