if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
