Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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