he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
