I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
