After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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