it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
