ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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