So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
