I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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