I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
