I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
