Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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