so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
