Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so much tequila, so little girl.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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