i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
