I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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