u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
