3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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