He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
