he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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