I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
