I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
