I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
