just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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