yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
